Creative Connections For Loneliness
What We Did In Group This Week, Part 1
From A Neurodivergent Affirming Group Therapist for ADHDers and AuDHDers
Loneliness. We have all experienced it, and yet most of us don’t lead with sharing that we feel lonely. Why is that? Perhaps the images on social media that we see everyday of folks with their friends, having the time of their lives implies that if you aren't often surrounded by friends then something is wrong with you.
Of course we logically know that most people only show the sparkly moments on their IG feed, and yet, especially for us ND humans, the pang of loneliness touches on our friendship challenges and we can spiral downward.
I hadn’t prepared to present on friendship skills in one of our groups this week. It wasn’t very long ago that when a group veered into uncharted territory I would be slightly frozen (think deer in headlights).
However, I can truly say that now at least part of me feels delighted when a group goes rogue - mainly because it tells me that our group is working, members are being vulnerable and sharing what they need IRL.
However, I can truly say that now at least part of me feels delighted when a group goes rogue - mainly because it tells me that our group is working, members are being vulnerable and sharing what they need IRL. Side note, veering off of my planned topic gives my divergent brain a puzzle to solve, which helps calm my initial deer in headlights response.
As my therapist would often say “vulnerability is powerful”. Not in a power hungry type of way, but in a “vulnerability will draw people closer to you” type of way. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention “Non-Violent Communication”, NVC here. NVC is hands down the coolest way to learn how to connect with others, as well as yourself! Future blog post alert! “Why NVC is RAD!”
Okay, I digress. Back to what we did in group this week. This is not an exhaustive list of skills for when you want to make friends or romantic partners. This list is a starting point, and it’s a work in progress. Please reach out and share what you do to make new friends - I’d love to add it to the list!
Friendship skills:
Go to the same places at the same time so you become known to others and they become known to you, ie. go to the same yoga class each week. The research shows something very cool. The single biggest factor to becoming well-liked is being familiar.
Take a class so you are meeting people who share your interests. Ideas - a class at the gym, improv, singing, gardening, or pottery...anything that interests you!
For maintaining long-distance friendships:
Make a collage of your friends who you would like to remember to stay in touch with and have it up on your wall.
Add calendar reminders to reach out to the “collage friends”.
Lastly, other ways to find community and practice your friendship skills is by joining a group. If you are interested in learning more about our groups at California Integrative Counseling Center and how we can help you reach your goals, please schedule a free 20-minute consultation. If you are not in California, there are resources at CHADD.org or ASAN. You belong!
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