Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling
Relationships can be challenging and they take a lot of work. All couples go through periods of conflict that are often caused by poor communication. When this happens, it may seem like you’re totally disconnected or even living different lives. It may also feel like you’re arguing all the time and constantly annoyed with each other. This can cause you to feel like your partner (or partners) don’t care about you, which can be really hurtful. Perhaps, you long for the way things were at the beginning of your relationship when you were in the “honeymoon phase.” But, you and your partner have changed so much that you hardly recognize those people you once were. You want to improve your relationship, but you’re not sure where to begin.
The mark of a successful relationship is how well you work together to overcome challenges. Problems occur when you and your partner(s) struggle to resolve conflict and withdraw, refuse to communicate, and become hostile.
Common Issues Addressed in Couples Therapy
Conflict and consistent arguing
Hostility
Communication issues
Disagreements over money and financial decisions
Lack of intimacy or sex
Unrealistic expectations
Parenting disagreements
Challenges navigating relationships with extended families
Stress
Infidelity and lack of trust
Codependency
Mental health concerns including ADHD
Considering a breakup or divorce
Help for Relationship Challenges is Available Through Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy
When you’re going through times of conflict in your relationship, it can cause you to become negative and hostile towards your partner(s). When this happens, you may assume that they are out to upset or annoy you. Then, you’re more likely to snap and get upset with them. This causes a negative cycle of hostility that’s tough to break without outside support. This can cause you to feel “stuck” or “held hostage” in your relationship. And, it can lead to hurt and pain, which eventually cause you to resent your partner(s).
But, you don’t have to remain “stuck” in your relationship. It is possible to repair the damage and escape the negative patterns of interaction you’ve fallen into with your partner(s). Couples therapy can help repair the damage and move forward positively. Our couples therapists have the training to help individuals in all kinds of relationships at any point in their life. So whether you are dating, moving in together, engaged, married, or separated, we can help. Furthermore, we want you to know that our Bay Area counseling center is a safe place for LGBTQIA+ and polyamorous individuals and couples to seek support.
Our Approach to Couples Therapy
Our couples therapists are trained in the evidence-based Gottman Method of couples therapy. A key component of the Gottman Method is the assessment you and your partner(s) take at the beginning of counseling. This assessment helps you and your therapist determine the strengths and weaknesses present in your relationship. Afterward, your therapist will collaborate with you to come up with a treatment plan to capitalize on your strengths and address the areas of concern. Your therapist will work with you and your partner(s) to address three key components: building friendship, conflict management, and creation of shared meaning. This will help you replace your negative behaviors and patterns of interacting with each other with more positive ones. You will work towards repairing the past hurt so you can move forward with the shared purpose of having a healthy relationship filled with intimacy, positive communication, and connection.
We Encourage Collaboration Throughout the Couples Therapy Process
We frequently collaborate with other therapists in our counseling practice that specialize in helping clients experiencing other mental health concerns. This collaborative approach helps our clients simultaneously address multiple areas of concern. For example, if one partner is neurodiverse and/or has ADHD, they may struggle to maintain healthy relationships. Their ADHD may come off as a lack of attention or affection towards their partner(s), which can cause conflict. In this case, we will work with each partner to help them empathize with each other’s point of view so they can effectively communicate their needs and wants. We will also educate the couple on how ADHDer’s present differently in relationships.
To do this we often draw on a therapeutic technique called doubling designed by Dan WIle, founder of Collaborative Couples Therapy. When this technique is used, the therapists will step in as your double and speak as if they were you. They will model how to have conversations with each other in a compassionate way. By learning how to have hard conversations, you are not only able to solve the problem that brought you to therapy, but those that will inevitably come up for you in the future as life unfolds.
Furthermore, It is very important to us that you feel like you have a say in the treatment you are receiving at California Integrative Counseling. So we want you to collaborate with us. We want you to take ownership of treatment because it helps you feel more invested in achieving success and improving your relationship with your partner.
Ultimately, we believe that everyone deserves to find happiness and contentment in their long-term relationships. Our goal in couples therapy will be to create a space to work on the closest relationships in your life so that you feel fulfilled, loved, and supported.
A Note for LGBTQIA+ Couples and Folx in Ethically Non-Magnonamous Relationships:
Our San Fransisco counseling clinic is proud to serve couples and folx in all kinds of relationships. Our therapists have specialized training in helping LGBTQ couples and individuals in alternative relationships. So we understand the unique challenges they may face in their lives and relationships. The basic nuts and bolts of an LGBTQ relationship are the same. Same-sex couples, poly families, or open families struggle with the same issues that couples in traditional relationships struggle with, they just might be viewed through a slightly different lens. For example, "Dealing with in-laws" or "use of personal free time" may translate more closely to "how 'out' are we with family and friends?" OR "use of personal free time" may translate to conversations about alternatives to monogamy. Conversations around finances may challenge basic heteronormative or traditional gender roles.
The mechanics of learning how to have these conversations isn't all that different from working with a couple in a heteronormative relationship, but having a therapist that is aware of these nuances, and aware of the specific challenges LGBTQIA+ couples experience is important. It gives more room for the couple to talk through their specific perspective about a problem without having to educate their therapist about how there are, for instance, lots of different ways to be "out" in your community.
LGBTQIA+ and alternative relationships also bring a lot of incredible strengths to their relationships. Often the experience of discrimination, challenging gender roles, and self-exploration bring a lot of strengths to a relationship that may not be present in traditional heterosexual relationships. These families deserve a therapist who recognizes those strengths and validates what they are doing well as much as someone who can help them with their struggles.
Begin Couples Therapy Today
At our California-based counseling center, you and your partner(s) can receive the support you need. Our therapists have worked with countless partners to increase trust and connection in their relationships, and we would be honored to do the same for you. Plus, you we provide online therapy if you and your partner would find that to be a good option for your schedules. If you’re ready to take the steps towards starting couples therapy, please schedule a free 20-minute consultation call with us.
Other Therapy Services at California Integrative Counseling Center
We understand that it can be intimidating to ask for help and begin therapy, so we commend you for taking a chance and even looking into what’s out there. When you work with professional counselors in-person or online at our Bay Area therapy practice, you will be met with compassion and support. We know that life can throw surprising things your way, so we offer counseling for life transitions for when you’re not sure how to navigate major life changes. Furthermore, we specialize in helping ADHDer’s thrive. If you’d like to learn more about our counseling center and the services we offer including therapy for teens, career counseling, please contact us.