Building Stronger Bonds: Gottman Therapy for Neurodivergent Couples
The Gottman Method is a popular approach in couples therapy that focuses on improving communication and resolving conflict. It is very effective for couples of all ages and backgrounds, including those who are ADHDers or identify as neurodivergent. Relationships are inherently complex, requiring understanding, compromise, and effective communication. For neurodivergent couples, who may experience unique challenges in interpersonal dynamics, navigating these complexities can be even more daunting. However, hope and support are on the horizon in the form of Gottman Therapy, a research-based approach that offers tailored strategies to foster healthier relationships.
One reason the Gottman Method is so effective for working with neurodiverse clients is its focus on understanding and validating each partner’s unique needs.
One reason the Gottman Method is so effective for working with neurodiverse clients is its focus on understanding and validating each partner’s unique needs. For example, ADHDers often find it challenging to regulate their emotions and maintain attention. Couples with one or both identifying as an ADHDer may need extra support in learning how to change patterns that stimulate ongoing conflict. The Gottman Method provides couples with tools to understand each other's needs and to communicate in a way that is clear and non-defensive, in order to move through conflict as a team.
As a therapist working with couples who identify as ADHDers or are neurodiverse, the Gottman Method can be a valuable tool for helping to improve the quality of their relationship. One tool that helps couples in a conflict is “softening your startup.” This skill helps reduce the chances of both people feeling attacked or defensive when moving through a hard conversation.
Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and it's particularly vital for neurodivergent couples. Gottman Therapy places a strong emphasis on emotional intelligence, helping partners identify and express their feelings in constructive ways. Through exercises like the Gottman Method's "love maps", couples deepen their understanding of each other's emotional worlds, fostering empathy and connection. The Gottman Method can provide couples with the skills and knowledge that their relationships need to understand one another and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
The Gottman Method can provide couples with the skills and knowledge that their relationships need to understand one another and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
So, what does the beginning of couples therapy really look like? To get started with couples therapy, we use what’s called the “2-1-1-2 format”, which was developed by the Gottmans. This means that the first session is together as a couple, followed by individual sessions with each partner, and then coming back together as a couple to create a plan for working in therapy together. Our therapists have found that the “2-1-1-2 format” serves many couples well – to have in-depth time in the first few sessions to create a roadmap of what they want to get out of therapy, and how to get there.
If you are interested in learning how California Integrative Counseling Center can offer couples therapy using the Gottman Method, please schedule a free 20-minute consultation call with one of our intake coordinators to discuss how we can support you in overcoming all challenges in your relationships.
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